I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
