I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
