Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
