I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
