My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
