If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I have aggressive nipples.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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