I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You pole danced in your parka.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
