Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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