I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
