is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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