Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
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