Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
