I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
