No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
