Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
