All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
