It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
