Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
My friends, they love my intelligence
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
