Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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