Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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