Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
