How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
