i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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