did you get engaged???
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
