I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
