i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
