bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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