Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
