well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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