So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
