In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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