I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
