My pussy is not your playground.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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