she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Hippo gnu deer
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
