Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
