you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
