So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
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