then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
