so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
