I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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