i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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