i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
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