New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
