You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize