I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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