Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
