I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
