your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
