Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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