I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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