by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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