people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
