wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
