Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
