Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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