Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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