She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
