Pants 0. Shit 1.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
