i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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