I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
