the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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