if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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