I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
last night I used snow as a chaser
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
