My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
