something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You were trust falling into bushes
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize