This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
