id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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