i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
