Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
