Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
