i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
