I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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