Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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