um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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