If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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