Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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