Are we in a gay sports bar?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize