I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
