I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
