I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
