and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
