Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
