I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
