just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
