ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just gift wrapped bread.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
