I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Ketchup is God's man juice
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
