Whats the glycemic index on semen?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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